How to Plan a Meaningful Memorial After Cremation

Choosing direct cremation does not mean giving up the opportunity to gather, remember and celebrate the life of someone you love.

In fact, one of the advantages of direct cremation is flexibility. Because the cremation takes place separately from any ceremony, there is no need to organize a funeral within the first few days of the death. Families can take their time and plan a memorial when they are ready.

That memorial can be as traditional, informal, large or intimate as you want it to be.

Take Your Time

The days immediately following a death can be overwhelming. There are arrangements to make, people to notify and, of course, your own grief to deal with.

Direct cremation removes some of the time pressure.

A memorial can be held days, weeks or even months later. This gives family and friends who live farther away time to make travel arrangements and gives those planning the gathering more time to think about what would be meaningful.

There is no rule saying a memorial has to happen immediately after someone dies.

Choose a Meaningful Location

Without the need to have the deceased's body present, you have considerable freedom in choosing where to gather.

A memorial could be held at a family home, community hall, restaurant, church, park or another place that was important to the person who died.

For some families, the location itself becomes part of the memorial—a favourite garden, a family cottage, a golf course, a beach or another place associated with good memories.

Just remember to obtain any necessary permission if you are using a public or privately owned location.

Make It Personal

A meaningful memorial does not need to follow a prescribed format.

Think about the person you are remembering. What did they enjoy? What music did they listen to? What stories do people tell about them? What made them unmistakably themselves?

You might:

• play favourite music;
• display photographs or create a slideshow;
• serve favourite foods or drinks;
• display meaningful belongings, hobbies or collections;
• invite family and friends to share stories;
• have someone perform a reading or piece of music; or
• simply gather together and spend time remembering.

Some families prefer a structured ceremony with an officiant, readings and scheduled speakers. Others would rather have an informal gathering where people visit and share memories naturally.

Both can be equally meaningful.

Involve Family and Friends

One of the nicest things about planning your own memorial is the opportunity to involve the people who knew the deceased best.

A family member or friend might act as the officiant or host. Grandchildren could participate in a candle lighting. Someone could prepare a photo presentation, perform a favourite song or read something that was meaningful to the deceased.

You can also simply invite guests to tell stories.

Those personal contributions are often what people remember most about a memorial.

What About the Cremated Remains?

There is no requirement that cremated remains be present at a memorial.

Some families choose to display an urn alongside photographs and flowers. Others prefer not to have the remains present at all.

The memorial can also be combined with the final placement of the cremated remains. For example, a family might gather for a scattering, burial or placement in a cemetery niche and then share a meal afterward.

If your family has particular religious or cultural traditions regarding cremated remains, speak with your clergy member, spiritual advisor or funeral director before making those arrangements.

Planning Your Own Memorial in Advance

You can also leave instructions for the kind of memorial you would like after your own death.

Talk with your family about your wishes and write down the things that matter to you. You might identify favourite music or readings, suggest a location, decide whether you would like your cremated remains present, or simply tell your family that you would prefer an informal gathering rather than a traditional funeral.

You may also want to consider formally preplanning your cremation arrangements. Preplanning allows you to record your wishes in advance so your family knows exactly what you wanted. Arrangements can also be prepaid, taking care of the financial side in advance and leaving fewer decisions for your family to make when the time comes.

There Is No One Right Way to Say Goodbye

A traditional funeral remains meaningful and important to many families. Others prefer the flexibility and simplicity that comes with direct cremation followed by a memorial at another time.

Neither approach determines how meaningful the farewell will be.

What matters is creating an opportunity for the people who cared about someone to come together, remember them and say goodbye in a way that feels appropriate.

Only Cremations provides affordable direct cremation services to families in Surrey, Delta, Langley, and throughout the Lower Mainland. If you have questions about direct cremation or preplanning, please call us at (604) 861-9895.